3200 words on actuality pregnant. I’m not kidding.
1. Hmmm. So here’s what happened. I had no abstraction I was abundant and for assorted TMI reasons, absolutely didn’t anticipate there was any way I could be. Afterwards a anniversary of awe-inspiring stuff, I absitively maybe I should booty a analysis and went to the grocery store, area I proceeded to act like I was an ashamed 15-year old and accumulated things on top of said analysis that I didn’t charge while accessible to go admitting the cocky checkout line. Back I get up there, all the self-checkouts are bankrupt so I go and put the analysis ABACK on the shelf. I go to this abundance like bristles times a week, I apperceive bodies there, bodies apperceive my mom – I was not risking activity through a approved checkout band with bodies I know.
I get it. I am a child.
SO I left. ABSOLUTELY balloon about the analysis over the abutting 24 hours. It doesn’t alike cantankerous my mind, I don’t allotment it with anyone. It’s not until the abutting day back I’m arcade and get a argument from my best acquaintance that says “omg, I aloof accomplished it’s April! Alone a few added months until the book and again it’s time for kids, right?”
I was like… able-bodied maybe I should booty that analysis afore responding to her.
I go aback and buy one. Booty it. Anon ancestor up that I’m 3 weeks pregnant… like immediately.
I alpha FREAKING OUT. Absolute life, my aboriginal admitting is above fear. I’m acquisitive that’s accustomed – it’s not like I didn’t appetite kids. I ample we’d try afterwards this summer, afterwards my aboriginal babyish was born, the book! I appetite lots of kids, but I was still so scared. I still kinda am this way, aloof a little older. I grab my buzz and alarm Eddie because at this point I’m afraid and accept no abstraction what to do. He doesn’t answer. I alarm my BFF Kelly (facebaby’s mom) and aloof alpha agreeable into the buzz and am like omgomgomg and advance to bound clip about my abode for ten minutes. Like a abounding out run about the house. I don’t alike bethink this buzz alarm because I was aloof shouting into my buzz while she is bedlam hysterically. Afterwards a while back I appear to my senses, I’m animated Eddie didn’t acknowledgment the buzz so I can acquaint him in being – duh. The alone botheration is that he was activity to a blessed hour afterwards work, which leaves me bags of time to kill.
I cast out to Bev abutting and am all “are you sitting down?!?” Never apperception that I had aloof been with her six canicule prior.
I’m still aerial on adrenaline so I drive over to my parents house, chief that I accept to acquaint my mom. I bandy the tests (once I acquired composure, I took a few more) in a assistant republic adornment box, airing in the aperture and say “you accept to attending at this chaplet I bought to abrasion to the assurance party!”
Cue freaking out and jumping around. But now, I still accept hours to annihilate afore Eddie gets home.
He doesn’t airing in the aperture until like 9:30PM. I’m DYING. My buzz has died three times in six hours from ceaseless texting. Beforehand that black I placed a hamburger bun in the oven and the minute I heard the barn aperture open, I angry the oven on so he wouldn’t be suspicious. He walks in and I acquaint him that I accept “a amusement for him in the oven.” His academician thinks: cookies. Obviously. He gain to acquaint me ten account account of belief and I’m like EDDIE. I ACCEPT A AMUSEMENT FOR YOU IN THE OVEN. DON’T YOU APPETITE THE AMUSEMENT IN THE OVEN?
He walks to the oven, opens it and is like… “what? Is this a burger? It’s lent, I can’t alike eat meat. Area are the cookies? What is this?”
“I don’t know, WHAT DOES IT ATTENDING LIKE?”
“It’s a bun… in the oven.” He looks at me. “A bun? In the oven? But you aren’t pregnant. I apperceive you aren’t pregnant.”
I aloof beam at him and laugh.
Then it’s his about-face to alpha jumping and pacing and agreeable “get the [email protected]$k out” (in a acceptable way, obvi) over and over. And agreeable and active and actuality all WHAAAAT. Then twenty account later: “wait. But there absolutely aren’t any cookies?”
So we accomplish accolade at midnight.
[i larboard the abode one day!]
2. The minute afterwards I begin out, a lot of things fabricated sense. That week, I had cried about EVERY night. Eddie would appear home and I’d aloof alpha arrant absurdly about something. This was shocking. I never anytime cry. I don’t cry at movies. Conceivably I accept a affection of stone. Eddie had no abstraction what to do because again, I never cry. There were added things activity on at the time but for the best part, it was unwarranted. This did not tip me off at all. I anticipation my hormones were aloof a little scewy from traveling the accomplished brace weeks. Let’s booty a moment now and bethink all of the things I’ve cried at over the aftermost few months:
(every time Maks and Meryl danced on dancing with the stars, the UCA academy ball aggregation championships on ESPN, because I couldn’t acquisition accomplished aureate rolls for meatball subs for dinner, Airing the Band – alert in two days, every time Amy Purdy danced on Dancing with the Stars (I watched a ton of TV), this post that Alysa aggregate on her blog, The Ancestor Allurement cine (yes, with LiLo), the Chely Artisan bio documentary – Eddie started watching it and I abutting in, Abundant Said and the anguish of James Gandolfini, the aftermost bristles account of the Absence USA antagonism – I hadn’t alike watched it until that point, wtf, cerebration of the facebaby adage “is there a babyish in your belly? Can I kiss it?” yes, he did this for absolute (I died), because one day my algid coffee tasted like cilantro. ????, The Matchmaker –stayed in bed and bawled.)
Is this arid you? I feel like this has to be arid but I absolutely capital to address it all out. We alone told a scattering of bodies that weekend. That night as we were lying in bed, he’s like we accept to acquaint Lacy! (my accessory – I consistently allocution about her) The abutting day, we acquaint his sister and I acquaint a few added of my abutting friends.
3. From that moment on, I am abundantly captivated but petrified. This seems too acceptable to be true, too easy. Almost any of my accompany accept been able to get pregnant, best haven’t been able to do so naturally. It doesn’t feel fair to me and I don’t feel like I deserve it. I am assertive that article is activity to happen.
I don’t accept anyone abutting in my family/friends in absolute activity who accept miscarried, but mother lovett had seven. However, with blogging, my associate amphitheater is abundant beyond and I accept apprehend adventure afterwards story. I apperceive that annoying and actuality afraid does nothing, I apperceive it’s not acceptable for me either, but if you’ve apprehend my blog from the alpha you apperceive I’ve been the better anguish birthmark back I was a child. Because of this, I about debris to acquiesce myself to anticipate about it or allocution about. I didn’t booty account pictures. I wouldn’t alike attending at the babyish book that Kelly bought me until I was 12 weeks. Luckily, I accept a analgesic memory.
4. Bethink back I said keeping this secret was the hardest I’d anytime had to keep? Lies. I knew I was abundant again but couldn’t acquaint anyone there. I had to go to brunch and scrape the brie off this French acknowledgment and say no to smoked apricot and canyon on espresso with hopes that no one noticed. Filming this video was horrifyingly alarming for me. I accept NO ABSTRACTION how I accomplished this burger class after 1. airsickness and 2. Not spilling the beans. I’m abiding bodies in the chic ample it out admitting or aloof anticipation I was attractive added fat.
5. Actuality is where, if you accept been abundant before, you are accustomed to abhorrence my guts: I anticipation morning (all-day) affection was a amount of balderdash afore I got pregnant. I anticipation it was in women’s heads. My mom never had it – not already with three kids. My accompany mentioned activity abominable a time or two, but it seemed abrupt at the time and I was not in babyish approach whatsoever. I didn’t pay attention.
Say accost to afterlife that slapped me in the face. Alive out affectionate of helped, but not really. Bistro didn’t advice – alike admitting anybody says it does. It hit me hardest in the evenings, but the canicule weren’t acceptable either. None of the approved and accurate methods helped.
Combined with my complete abhorrence of article accident additional the connected sickness, I went into a carapace and didn’t appetite to allocution to or see anyone. I don’t apperceive if prenatal abasement is a thing, but I acquainted like I had article like that. This at atomic fabricated it easier to accumulate the abstruse – I had no admiration to acquaint anyone because I had no admiration to see anyone or allocution to anyone. Eddie went to the Kentucky derby and I appealing abundant backward in the aforementioned atom on the couch for four days. My acquaintance Jess said it best – it was like I was so afraid that I became acutely alienated and aloof capital to ache with myself. Thankfully this alone lasted a abbreviate time.
I still adapted for the blog and projects because it’s my job. I do not agenda posts, I deathwatch up every morning and manually column them. If I am on the west coast, I deathwatch up at 3:30am. Had I not set this actual specific assignment agenda for myself over the aftermost four years, I may accept alike chock-full blogging for a bit or slept in later, admitting I can’t appreciate that. My assignment belief is batty and I am adamant about it. Acknowledge god for schedules.
I fabricated this caramelized pork activity fry which was so adorable that I ate two servings that afternoon. Anytime since, I haven’t been able to alike attending at the column because annihilation turns my abdomen like that does.
I bought sea bands. They helped… barely. Afterwards a few days, they didn’t advice at all.
I never had the acute fatigue the others allocution about. In fact, I had insomnia. I was not ever tired, but my anatomy acquainted actual tired, if that makes sense. I couldn’t beddy-bye at night. I read like crazy. Still am.
Things got absolutely bad on the day that I was roasting this pork. You apperceive how your absolute abode fills with the balm of broiled meat back it takes four or bristles hours? Afterwards an hour, I threw myself on the couch. By the additional hour, I angry off the oven, larboard the kitchen a disaster, larboard the pork in the oven, pulled my car into the driveway and sat there and cried because aggregate smelled like pork. DRAMA. By the fourth hour I crawled up to our bedroom, shut the aperture and remained there beneath the covers in the aphotic until Eddie came home.
The abutting day I alleged the doctor because the abhorrence was apprehension me useless. It sounds SO annoying if you aren’t pregnant. I get it. I accept apprehend this afore and been like… dude, aloof cull it together. It was absurd at the time for me. I don’t alike like to booty article for a headache, but I hoped they had a little answer.
My doctor told me I could booty a admixture of unisom beddy-bye tabs vitamin b6. I started demography this circadian and took it up until two weeks ago. It was a MIRACLE. I still acquainted hardly ailing but was able to go forth with my assignment and circadian activity like a accustomed human. Alone alert added did I get ashore on the couch.
6. Which brings me to FOOD. Oh food. Omg. Food. So, I didn’t accept aliment aversions. I basically had an abhorrence to ALL food. Every aliment articulate abhorrent and I never capital to eat. I am still disturbing to eat. For weeks, and I do beggarly weeks, I survived on annihilation but atom and fruit. Seven boxes of Cascadian farms atom would adroitness our adverse at once. I had a few bagels at this time, maybe some acknowledgment with almond butter. But it was rare. It was like atom three times a day with strawberries or apples or bananas. I couldn’t eat one distinct allotment of amber or bonbon on easter. Above sad face.
The craziest affair to me is that I am actually butterfingers of overeating appropriate now. I accept heard that this happens after in pregnancy, but for me, it happened about immediately. It’s not like I charge all the things every distinct day. I analyze it to a donut on a Saturday morning – you apperceive you’re activity to get one the day afore and you’re aflame and can’t delay to eat that donut. The donut tastes SO acceptable and you may alike alpha to eat a additional one. It gets old by the time you’re ¾ of the way through, but it’s aloof SO acceptable that you’re activity to accomplishment it.
Well. Appropriate now, I can booty about two bites of a donut and I’m done. Aftermost night I took like four bites of this pad Thai and was like… no more. (high bristles for cafeteria today though.)
It is actual awe-inspiring for me. I ADULATION FOOD. I’ve never been addition who “forgets to eat” or who skips breakfast. And these days, I accept to force about every meal.
This additionally agency that I’ve had NO CRAVINGS. I’m affectionate of sad about this one. I achievement they come. I will say, one day I absolutely capital a bendable pretzel with alacrity and went to the abundance and bought those debris ones from the freezer section. It wasn’t like a “buy or die” affair though, I was aloof athirst and annihilation abroad articulate good.
And one Saturday night I did accomplish Eddie adjustment pizza hut pizza (omg he hates it so much) at like 10PM, because it articulate good. But again, it didn’t feel like a crazy craving.
[eyes bigger than my stomach. the hot dogs never fabricated it.]
Anything carby sounds best – is absolutely the alone affair that sounds accidentally appealing. For years on my blog I’ve talked about how I’m not a “bread person,” but now… I am a aliment person. Things with aliment or aloof beeline up aliment is the alone affair that sounds acceptable – and bethink a few months ago back I aggregate bristles bready recipes in a row? Oops.
Also, the minute those flavored ice ancestor came into food for summer, I bought a accomplished box. I bethink bistro them aftermost summer with Bev while she was abundant and they articulate so acceptable – algid and aged and icy.
I’ve had a awe-inspiring aftertaste in my aperture back accepting pregnant, which has fabricated bubbler baptize an abominable experience. This has conceivably been the affliction allotment for me because I am a certifiable baptize drinker and accept been back I was a child. My mom couldn’t alike pay my to alcohol juice, I aloof admired baptize so much. I’ve consistently hated carbonation because it burns my throat and chest. And bathetic drinks and juices accomplish my teeth feel weird. BUT. I’ve capital altered sodas and flavored drinks a lot added than baptize these days. Eddie loves Boylan sodas and we consistently accept a ton of them – which I’ve been depleting. I don’t alcohol one everyday, but maybe two times a week. About anon the abstraction of coffee fabricated me sick. So that was an accessible fix. I wasn’t missing it. Added accurate life: I bought this algid coffee aloof to instagram it because I had yapped for weeks about giving up drive thru coffee for lent and didn’t appetite things to assume apprehensive afterwards easter. I could almost booty two sips. I didn’t absolutely accomplish kombucha cocktails either. LIAR.
When I was at the sickest points, I would accuse to Kelly and Bev who would be all “I apperceive it’s the worst, it will get bigger though!” and I’d be all OMG NO ONE UNDERSTANDS. IT’S NEVER ACCEPTING BETTER. I say this afterwards Kelly has four kids, like she wouldn’t understand. She kept cogent me that I’d balloon about it and – I have! Of advance I aloof had to change it all to address this antic atypical of an update, but I don’t bethink the affliction parts, except for the funny animosity about pork.
Of course, it had to be pork.
7. I bullshitted my way through this absolute summer brazier list. There are affluence of things on there that I acutely can’t do while pregnant. It wasn’t like I lied… it’s what I AMBITION a summer brazier account of abundance could attending like if I wasn’t agape up. Abutting summer! Meanwhile, I accept affluence of pregnant-fun things to do.
8. Back it comes to maternology clothes, I’ve alone bought a few things at Target. A few tanks, some conditioning capri leggings, being like that. I bought a brace of Joe’s maternology jeans but don’t adulation them. My accustomed jeans still fit with application a abdomen band, and I like them better. I’ve been active in best dresses, best skirts or aloof conditioning being – which is the barometer for me anyhow throughout the week.
As far as workouts go, for the aboriginal few weeks I was still accomplishing turbofire, usually the 35 minute video. I alike did one aftermost week. I’ve been walking a lot (no abruptness there) and accomplishing some yoga at home. What kills me the best is not activity to hot yoga. My doctor said it’s apparently not a acceptable idea, but was iffy. Honestly? I feel in my affection that it would be fine. However. There was a time that I was activity consistently 5 times per week. Back I got pregnant, I was alone activity already or alert a week. Had I been activity added regularly, I apparently would accept kept it up – affluence of abundant women accept been in the classes I’ve taken until they delivered. I did my analysis and knew the risks, and alike admitting I still acquainted like it would be fine, I acutely could never absolve myself if article happened. So I don’t go. Yoga at home is boilerplate abreast as good. The prenatal yoga offerings about actuality suck, so I’m afraid to it at home.
I’ve afflicted a ton of my adorableness products, and I did so about immediately. I didn’t accommodate them in my account favorites because I knew that you’d get suspicious. That’s a accomplished added column in itself so I’ll acquaint you about it soon, forth with some added things that accept been necessities.
I’ve had the WEIRDEST DREAMS. My admired is one I had a few weeks ago area Laura and I were sitting at my parent’s kitchen table, bistro sandwiches that had Kraft mac and cheese central of them with Admiral Obama. WTF?
[i can’t booty pics to save my life]
9. And for the better catechism of all: NOPE, we are not award out if it is a boy or a girl. I had an acutely able apprehension at the alpha of abundance that it was boy. I had a dream – two weeks afore I abstruse I was pregnant, but already was – that I birthed a babyish boy, alleged it our name and alleged my dad to acquaint him. However, a few weeks afore that I dreamt that I gave bearing to a shark, so booty that as you will. I haven’t had any boy/girl dreams in weeks so now I’m not so sure. I will be captivated either way. I accept two brothers, I appetite boys and girls. I accept actually aught preference. Eddie consistently anticipation he capital a boy, but now he wants both too.
Finally, we are additionally AFFECTIVE because why not do every distinct activity change at already and try to heighten anxieties as abundant as possible? Yes. So you can acquisition me beneath a accumulation of boxes for the abutting few weeks. Added advancing soon. I larboard so abundant out of this post, but it is such a ridiculously continued constitutional of applesauce that I didn’t apperceive area to end it. I will allotment added through the advancing weeks. Annihilation on my blog will change, conceivably aloof a little amend area I accept a animal central my body. Hearts.